February 20, 2025
Writer: Kevin Miko Buac
Emotional availability is one of the cornerstones of healthy and fulfilling relationships; it refers to how people connect to each other’s emotions and enhance the depth of their connection (1). For example, when both partners can express their feelings and provide emotional support for one another without judgment, intimacy is established, and their bond strengthens. In contrast, a lack of emotional availability can be a root cause of misunderstandings and dissatisfaction in relationships. Many people, especially men, can struggle with expressing their emotions due to societal norms and expectations (2). However, there is more to emotional availability than just expressing emotions. It is also about understanding and being supportive of the feelings of your partner.
Emotional availability and emotional intelligence go hand in hand, for emotional intelligence involves the recognition, understanding, and regulation of emotions. In relationships, this means listening to your partner and validating their feelings while also mutually sharing your own emotions without fear. This is a feature of emotional intelligence, and these relationships tend to have stronger trust, commitment, and intimacy (3). Likewise, emotional regulation is also important, as it involves managing emotions in a way that does not overwhelm your partner or cause potential harm in the relationship (4). To mitigate these risks, practices such as writing down your feelings to articulate them to rehearse for a difficult conversation are steps that one can take to improve emotional regulation (2).
Emotional availability is like muscle to build and exercise, but its effects can have a meaningful impact on relationships. The first step involves creating a safe space for open conversation with your partner and just simply listening and feeling their emotions without interrupting them or attempting to solve their problems; this is known as the practice of holding emotional space (2, 5). While this may be a small step, it is worth noting that for long-standing and recurring issues, seeking professional help is advised, or personal self-reflection to practice developing healthier emotional habits. In essence, emotional availability is about enhancing our relationships where we feel seen, heard, and cherished, while also recognizing the dangers in our hearts that keep us from engaging in meaningful connection.
Session Questions:
- What does emotional availability mean to you?
- How do you balance giving and receiving emotional support in relationships?
- How do you create a safe space for open and honest conversations in your relationships—family, friends, or anyone else?
References:
- Saunders, H., Kraus, A., Barone, L., & Biringen, Z. (2015). Emotional availability: theory, research, and intervention. Frontiers in Psychology, 6. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01069
- Kanojia, A. [HealthyGamerGG]. (2024). How to Be More Emotionally Available (And Why It’s So Important) [Video]. Youtube. https://youtu.be/wXlNZ5AMqLU?si=BYx6nYsrWPPnV4m1
- Sidhu, A., Bhalla, P., & Ali, I. S. S. (2019). Impact of emotional intelligence on quality of romantic relationships: review research. International Journal of Recent Technology and Engineering (IJRTE), 7, 1774-1779. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Amrita-Sidhu-2/publication/346927806_F13170476S519/links/6033787792851c4ed58a883b/F13170476S519.pdf
- Fávero, M., Lemos, L., Moreira, D., Ribeiro, F. N., & Sousa-Gomes, V. (2021). Romantic Attachment and Difficulties in Emotion Regulation on Dyadic Adjustment: A Comprehensive Literature review. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.723823
- Epstein, S. (2023). Learn the art of “holding space” for people in your life. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/between-the-generations/202305/what-does-it-mean-to-hold-space
